Them Feels
I've been feeling good lately. 2 weeks ago, I spent a few moments with someone who did not even know me when we first met, and I felt the warmth. I felt like something I had never felt before. Effervescence. Yeah, that's the right word to describe it.
I am on a plane where I am going through a specific kind of transmutation, that I had imagined would be induced when I meet the right person. I feel like I am in (insert-L-word), but deep down I know that it is not that simple. Calling it that, is definitely an oversimplification. After a good number of years, I believe I feel a few new-ish emotions. Imaginativeness, Anxiety, Care, Need, Fancy, Appetite, Inquisitiveness, Consternation, and much more.
It's kind of strange and I have surprised myself in the process. I met her on a warm Thursday and I liked a fellow human being after a long time. I don't know if this is black-magic or if this is something that happens to a lot of other people. I don't know. And that is the beauty. I cannot pinpoint the emotion at all. I feel happiness and fear at the same time. I am happy that I am where I am, by her side, in reality, or in spirit. Also, I am scared of screwing up. Cos' what I feel now is the best I have felt in a long time.
There is this feeling that I have been waiting for. You know, when all the mushy songs start making sense. When the dead flowers on the car bonnet are not a nuisance anymore. When I want a cup of coffee to be large enough to keep me by her side forever. When my phone battery goes below 30% and I don't panic. When I return to her cos' we're both thinking the same thing. When she also loves Thanos. When I am too scared to hold hands because I am not sure what's appropriate. When I keep talking to her all day in my head. When I cannot stop checking my messages. When even there is nothing to talk about, we could still stay silent and say everything all at the same time. When everything starts making sense and stops making sense at the same time. The ceiling is cracking and pieces are coming off, and they're falling upwards, to the sky.
Am I still in my shell? Am I trying to break out?
How does she feel in her mind?
Will she ask me again to stay away for some time?
Would I be able to make her as happy as I want her to be?
Would the spark of my fondness be able to light the fire inside her?
Would she ever wake up and I'll be the first thing on her mind like she is for me?
Will I ever be able to just sit all-night and watch her sleep peacefully?
I feel like I am ready to find out. Haan Na!
I am on a plane where I am going through a specific kind of transmutation, that I had imagined would be induced when I meet the right person. I feel like I am in (insert-L-word), but deep down I know that it is not that simple. Calling it that, is definitely an oversimplification. After a good number of years, I believe I feel a few new-ish emotions. Imaginativeness, Anxiety, Care, Need, Fancy, Appetite, Inquisitiveness, Consternation, and much more.
It's kind of strange and I have surprised myself in the process. I met her on a warm Thursday and I liked a fellow human being after a long time. I don't know if this is black-magic or if this is something that happens to a lot of other people. I don't know. And that is the beauty. I cannot pinpoint the emotion at all. I feel happiness and fear at the same time. I am happy that I am where I am, by her side, in reality, or in spirit. Also, I am scared of screwing up. Cos' what I feel now is the best I have felt in a long time.
There is this feeling that I have been waiting for. You know, when all the mushy songs start making sense. When the dead flowers on the car bonnet are not a nuisance anymore. When I want a cup of coffee to be large enough to keep me by her side forever. When my phone battery goes below 30% and I don't panic. When I return to her cos' we're both thinking the same thing. When she also loves Thanos. When I am too scared to hold hands because I am not sure what's appropriate. When I keep talking to her all day in my head. When I cannot stop checking my messages. When even there is nothing to talk about, we could still stay silent and say everything all at the same time. When everything starts making sense and stops making sense at the same time. The ceiling is cracking and pieces are coming off, and they're falling upwards, to the sky.
Am I still in my shell? Am I trying to break out?
How does she feel in her mind?
Will she ask me again to stay away for some time?
Would I be able to make her as happy as I want her to be?
Would the spark of my fondness be able to light the fire inside her?
Would she ever wake up and I'll be the first thing on her mind like she is for me?
Will I ever be able to just sit all-night and watch her sleep peacefully?
I feel like I am ready to find out. Haan Na!
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